I strongly believe everyone on this planet have both ‘wins’ & ‘failures’ in their experiences. We are neither just ‘all-wins’ nor just ‘all-failures’. We are a mixed bag. Many of you may prefer the word ‘feedback’ instead of ‘failure’. Please note that I am using this term broadly to include ‘experiences where the intended outcome is not achieved’. & by ‘wins’ to include all achievements, victories whether they are small or big ones.
If anyone believes otherwise, I would love to have a conversation with you and know your perspectives & experiences. Reach out to me and let us exchange notes and learn from each other and grow.
So, while we are a mixed bag, what is a pertinent to note that most of us choose to focus only on the failures or things that are not working out or stuff that they are working on but not quite making progress. Read on to know how this choice of ours is debilitating and how to come out of this vicious-looking loop.
I was having a conversation with Rob (name changed for obvious reasons) recently and I noticed what he said repeatedly, ‘I have ruined my life’ and then he went on to say, ‘I am a living example of how not to live your life’, he continued to say, ‘I am tired and losing energy and interest in anything I am doing’ and ‘I am feeling like this since last 3 years’.
I am sure you will agree that feeling like this is so completely normal response to what Rob is experiencing but you may also agree that continuously choosing to feel that way is not helping Rob. Rob and many others like him are choosing to focus on the un-desirable experiences in life and ignoring or deleting the other aspects which are working very well. It is not a helpful energy to be constantly in for a sustained period.
Upon exploring further in this conversation, what became clearer was that Rob was feeling that way with respect to his professional aspect of his life. He was experiencing stagnation since his business growth chart was plateauing. This was a contrast that Rob was experiencing given the fact that he has built his business and wealth from scratch. His professional life has been full of adventure, challenges, and achievements but now at the scale where he was the next big thing was not clear to him. This was making him feel the discomfort he is experiencing.
During this conversation I invited Rob to look at the other aspects in his life that he also considers important. With his mind completely occupied with what he was experiencing primarily, with much persistence he recognized that his personal growth as a leader, warm relationships, parenting success and significant wealth and security that he created for himself and his family were also significant wins which cannot be ignored.
He acknowledged many big wins in that part of his life and with that he began to accept that he is choosing not to acknowledge (or deleting in NLP terminology) when he is concluding ‘he ruined his life’.
I wanted to share a glimpse of this real-life conversation to demonstrate that we all have victories and failures in our life.
If you are feeling anything like that, I would advise you to zoom out and have a look at your full life in perspective. A great tool called ‘wheel of life’ is an effective tool that would help one take a holistic and dis-associated look at and assess your life. Often, you may notice that only in some areas of our life you may be experiencing challenges. It certainly pulls us down if those areas are important for us and aligns to our values.
Often our mind focusses on the aspect that is not working out. it is natural for us to feel disappointed and disempowered. From this state, you may not notice or figure out what could you do to change your situation. Taking a distant perspective would help you take an objective and empowered look and make the change that is helpful.
You deserve to experience and live a life you want. Therefore, take full responsibility of your life by taking an objective and a perspective that empowers you.
Manage your life, nobody else is going to do it for you!
