Do you know people holding themselves back from doing the exact thing that will take them closer to their dreams and goals?
That makes me wonder what holds people back?
I often get told; I lack resources. Other times I hear, I am not ready yet.
I wonder if people ask unhelpful questions such as ‘what do I need?’, or ‘what do I lack?’, to get those answers.
Because on the other hand, we have plenty of evidence of people who ask a different & more resourceful question such as ‘How can I?’ and achieve unimaginable results. Do you know stories of people leveraging available resources and going way outstretching themselves and accomplishing extraordinary feats? There are plenty of such examples from well-known ones like Abraham Lincoln to Oprah Winfrey to unsung s/heros. You may have also heard stories of people who have had quite limited resources but have used the lights at the railway station to study and successfully cleared the highest competitive exams at national levels.
Would it then be appropriate to say that people hold themselves back? Nothing external is holding them back.
So, what is in them that is holding them back from moving towards their dream goals?
Those who are willing to dig deeper acknowledge that lack of confidence is one major factor that holds them back.
People acting from the space of ‘lacking self-confidence’ are occupied with the below thoughts.
- What if people don’t like what they are showing up as?
- What if people judge and stroll them?
- What if they don’t get many likes?
- What if….?
- What if ……?
People lacking confidence adopt below two strategies
- spend endless amount of time preparing themselves to perfection to minimize judging and secondly
- seek mentor’s or colleague’s validation before showing up.
Both strategies have their own flaws and limitations. Perfectionism is an endless pursuit. Validations is in fact a far more damaging strategy because it is reinforcing a lack of confidence rather than confidence and trust in yourself.
Let us unpack how fears rooted in lack of self-confidence & the strategies are working counter to their intention.
- Dominant self-doubting mindset rooted in lack of self-confidence is what is making you weigh other people’s opinion way more than your own.
- This self-doubting mindset is also making you disregard the positive and encouraging feedback you may have received but are choosing to ignore.
- By others to validate your perspective you are outsourcing your power in the hands of others. This is a disempowering state.
Whatever you do, you will find encouraging and critical feedback. Both types of evidence are almost always present.
Become aware that you are choosing to focus only on what is in your mind – your lack of confidence in yourself. When in self-doubt, people weigh the evidence that is supporting their doubt way more than and disregard any other evidence.
When they continue to focus on critical remarks, they are reinforcing their self-talk to be flaw-less next time and be perfect. Perfectionism is an endless pursuit.
The only way towards your dream goals is to adopt a more resourceful mindset of trusting yourself. There is always going to be critical feedback and take that as feedback for continuous improvement.
